Be You, Stay True

This is hard for me to write about. I'm not always the greatest at writing out or explaining my feelings. If this blog post seems like it's only scratching the surface or kind of elementary in dealing with this subject, I apologize, but I'm going to try and write it out the best that I can. This post is for both women and men, but I think it's something that more women than men deal with.

This has been on my mind lately, an ongoing theme playing in my life and something I feel the need to write about. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make it impossible to ignore the fact that we need to learn something.

I feel that as women we are taught to "be nice". This starts out from when we're little girls. I've experienced that being "nice" no matter what happens though, can be detrimental too. I'm tired of being nice. I've been nice all my life. When I was bullied in grade school, I'd still be nice to the mean kids and try to make them like me. In a past relationship, in choosing to "be nice" regardless of how horribly the person treated me, I completely lost who I was for a few years, the ground fell out beneath me, I hit rock bottom and I hit it hard on many occasions before I got the strength to stand up for my self-worth - it was a dark dark time. Thank God for my friends and family though, they never gave up on me and their love and persistence in my life helped me emerge a butterfly, they got me to see the light on the other side of the tunnel. We've all been there in some way or other at one point in our lives.

Now, not all relationships are either healthy or extremely abusive, I don't believe things are that black and white. That said, I think it's important to check in with yourself when you're in a relationship to make sure the relationship you're in is healthy, and most importantly, healthy for you. Because who needs more crap in their lives right? Life is already tough enough without being with someone who makes things harder.

Does the person you're with...
- frequently question your sincerity?
- make you feel like you have to continually prove to them that you really care?
- shut you out emotionally?
- have very defined views about the roles men and women should play in a relationship?
- frequently gets upset (overtly or covertly) and you do not know what has happened to cause it?
- criticize things about you that nobody else ever has? (example: "It's annoying when you're so positive all the time" or they get upset that what upsets them does not upset you --> this is called Projection:
"Projection is the misattribution of a person’s undesired thoughts, feelings or impulses onto another person who does not have those thoughts, feelings or impulses. Projection is used especially when the thoughts are considered unacceptable for the person to express, or they feel completely ill at ease with having them. For example, a spouse may be angry at their significant other for not listening, when in fact it is the angry spouse who does not listen. Projection is often the result of a lack of insight and acknowledgement of one’s own motivations and feelings.")
- ignore you? not include you in things?
- call the shots on when you're going to spend time together?

Do you find yourself...
- always agreeing with them to avoid conflict?
- not sharing your feelings/thoughts for fear of them being misunderstood or taken personally?
- making excuses for their bahaviour when it makes you uncomfortable or feel badly about something?
- thinking, "If I just did this differently..." or "Maybe if I do this it will finally show/prove to them how much I care for them"?

I know these lists just touch the tip of the iceberg on all this stuff, but if you experience many of these things above, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. I know myself that it's sometimes hard to articulate what and why you feel bad, but if in your gut, it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. Please please please, don't suck up to someone who doesn't treat you well, ignores you, or shows any of the signs above! Know your worth, you deserve to be with a person who loves and accepts you, encourages and builds you up, someone who is secure enough in who they are to big up the beauty inside of you.

I found this diagram online and think it sums up clearly what a healthy relationship looks like, the essential ingredients that both people need to bring to make it good.

Remember, the most important person to be nice to is yourself.

Home

Just sat down in my seat, I'm excited to be flying home to T.O. for a few days. It feels like a lot longer since I first left for New York. The past month and three weeks have zipped by and I'm starting to kind of know where I'm going around the city which feels great. A lot has happened since September 1st. A lot is yet to happen in the future and I'm so excited.

One thing I've learned recently is that there's really no way to predict the future. What we imagine will be tomorrow, next week, a month down the road, often turns out entirely different from how our minds and hearts have planned. I'm learning to roll with the punches and take each day as it comes. Every day you are given is an opportunity for adventure.

I sign off with a quotation I saw on a mug in Barnes n Noble that goes something like this:

Life is not about finding yourself - it's about creating yourself.

Done Painting

Here are some pics of how my room is coming so far. The painting's all done now and I can't wait to hang my grandfather's paintings, I think they will give the walls the finishing touches they need. It's bright outside so the pictures look a little dark but the room is actually quite bright (it faces west). Stay tuned for more pics.

Cork Board Jewellery Display

Are your walls feeling a little bare? Here are some pictures of how you can use a simple cork board to easily and beautifully display your jewellery. It's storage, organization and art. No more tangled up necklaces and twisted chains!

Sunday

Today New York feels lonely. To cheer myself up I put up the corkboards from Ikea to display my jewellery - two, one each on opposite walls, in exactly the same place, height and distance from the wall. Looks kinda neat. It was accidental since they didn't both fit where I was going to hang them initially.

It's a beautiful day so I'm going to walk to Park Slope to the flea market there just to look around.

Blah.

Working at Working

I'm feeling optimistic, meeting with recruiters and job stuff is starting to happen! I thoroughly believe that New York will give back what you put into her (yes, New York's a lady in my mind). If you're open to adventure and aren't afraid to work hard, I believe that anything is possible here. People are living out their dreams everyday here, and I'm determined to live out mine. When I'm feeling a bit lost or overwhelmed (which has happened quite often since I got here), I remind myself that hey, you're in NEW YORK, you've come this far, and you can do it!

I'll finish off this post with a verse from the Old Testament and two quotations from Oprah:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take."
- Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)

 "Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment." - Oprah

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." - Oprah

Finding the Perfect Grey

Over the last few days me and Apartment Therapy, and a load of other decorating blogs, have bonded. I was in search of the perfect grey. I found it: Benjamin Moore "Chelsea Gray" and "Pelican Gray", (but I went with the first one). Love love love this and I think it will really make the bedding pop.

I painted the wall where my bedroom door is to test it out. Still love it, but the large white door and closet doors are an eyesore, and I wondered if painting them the same colour as the walls would look nicer. Then I was doing some more Apartment Therapy'ing and came across this article spotlighting rooms where the walls and trim are painted the same colour. Kapow! These rooms are stunning! My favourite example from the article was of this room. Look how those chartreuse pillows pop! Bam!

It looks possible that by unifying the distribution of colour in a space will result in a more open, larger feeling.

Click here for the original post.

Easy and Inexpensive Ikea table hack

Happy Monday everybody!

I measured the dimensions of my room the other day and to my great surprise, it measures 12.4 ft long and 8 ft. wide - so that's why it's feeling a little cramped in here! It all makes sense now, and in my great haste to have it furnished immediately upon move-in, I made a few hasty decisions on furniture where I now wish I'd just bought a bed and taken my time to find the other things - but Ikea was offering $69 delivery within 100 miles...gosh, I really am a sucker sometimes.

Since space is limited, I'm working on how I can creatively and inexpensively make the most of mine. How many jutty-outty things I can limit and keep close to the walls, and off the floor entirely. So I'm thinking, floating shelves, yes! Some kind of wire hiding box because wires are ugly (thank goodness Ikea has one here for $10)! Would it be possible to convert my Vika Amon desk into fold-up retractable desk? I dare do say it's possible (see how one guy made a retractable side table using the Lack coffee table on the Ikea Hacker blog).

The walls are white and kinda bad looking, for the first time I wasn't going to paint - but it's getting to me, this room NEEDS some wall lurrrve.

Stay tuned for before and after pics! Coming soon. 

These Are Things - Sweet Maps!

...make me happy. I came across These Are Things because the couple who own/make these maps have their apartment featured on Apartment Therapy (click here for the house tour). The couple hand silkscreen each and every map they sell and I'm loving the retro look. This would look fab in a bedroom or home office don'tcha think? The aqua one is my favourite.

TheseAreThings.com

Brooklyn Flea

Yesterday afternoon I visited the famous Brooklyn Flea market. The Fort Green one happens every Saturday from 10am - 5pm, rain or shine. I had a great time strolling through all the vintage clothing, jewellery and antique vendors' goods and wares! The vendors were all so friendly and below are some photos of my favourite eye-spies!

John Murphy Prints and Photographs
shopjohnmurphy.com

John says customers tend to pick the frame that matches the colour they're wearing first! Guess which frame I picked?

Yosara Duran of Yoshie Art & Design
I especially loved her multi-strand necklaces made of vintage chain and other delightful materials! She stressed the importance of having a diverse product offering when applying to markets/shows since there is often a surplus of jewellery vendors already. Vintage and repurposed materials are always good!
Read her blog here.

Monkey of Wrecords by Monkey
They make jewellery, accessories and home accents using reclaimed vinyl records while keeping their carbon-footprint to the minimum.

Cityscape Cuff by Wrecords by Monkey

Chandelier Pendant by Wrecords by Monkey
One of my faves.

Oh my goodness, I LOVE this display! It's Wilhemina!

My super sweet score of the afternoon!

I didn't know what an egg cream was, but they looked good so I got one and yum! It was good! Think vanilla-flavoured milk soda, like an ice cream float but not thick.

All in all it was a super way to spend a Saturday afternoon on such a beautiful Fall day. I'll definitely be back!

In the grocery...

Whenever I'm out and about, and see something that grabs my attention (usually in the grocery store), I make a point of taking a picture. Below are a few of those pictures. Oh America, how I love your artificially flavoured delights...

Really?

Because bacon is delicious.